I was attending a class in Halstead about Old Testament theology when our Moderator left early because she had an appointment. We thought nothing of this and the class carried on.

It was a fascinating study and we were engaged in a discussion about the concept of the three Isaiah's.

Suddenly the door burst open and the Moderator stood in the doorway with a look of panic, devastation and absolute despair and she shouted, "John Pugh has been killed".

The class fell apart and the Moderator was escorted away by a class member.

I didn't know John Pugh but I soon learned of him. Many people there knew him because he was one of our URC Ministers.

The press story below tells us what happened and how he met his death.

I have no idea of any details of this story but the story stuck in my mind; it stuck and resurfaced when I encountered problems with Celia. I did NOT want to make a formal complaint. Celia herself forced me into making the complaint, but even so, I tried to soften it as much as I could.

I had heard that Celia was unwell but I did not know what was wrong. I was told that she was stressed and suffering because of it.

"Doesn't Celia look ill lately", commented one church member.

I thought Celia seemed to be stressed; I could tell from her expressions and body language that she wasn't always calm.

I felt I had no choice but to put her on an official disciplinary complaint because she caused a depression patient much anguish; and that was dangerous.

There is no comparison between the arrest of John Pugh and my  complaint, but that didn't matter.

Anguish, fear, devastation, worry; the feeling of desperate despair when your world is pulled apart by an official allegation is unknown. Nobody knows how John Pugh felt, only that he was so distraught and so riddled with negative feelings of such intensity that he was driven to an unimaginable and tragic end.

Nobody can enter the mind of another, and I couldn't enter into Celia's world. I didn't know how she would take my allegations. They might hit her lightly and she may have faced up to them with high-handed arrogance. She may have been devastated by the thought that all she had achieved in her Ministry; her calling, her status and position, friends, respect, reputation and even her ordination, might be pulled from her. Who knows what she would have felt and how she might have reacted?

I was very careful with her and tried time and time over to make amends with her outside of any official procedures. Unfortunately, she was bullish and arrogant, seemingly thinking that she could brush me off like a fly. I was nothing!

Either her courage failed her, or she was so arrogant and sure of herself that she thought falsifying evidence that would also discredit me would solve her problem. I was nothing and I was easy to deal with. The church could be manipulated - her direct boss was a complaints officer, so he knew how to work the system.  I don't know if he helped her but it is possible.

My point is that I was concerned enough about her to try and make the complaint easy for her to mitigate. Even when I saw the forged evidence I offered her a way out. I even mitigated it for her, but she was unresponsive.

My plea to all people who intend to make allegations about another is; don’t do it unless you really have to. God isn't a God of disciplinary complaints or arguments.

The effect can be devastating - think carefully and be gracious.

A paradoxical point in this is that depression is a common cause of suicide, and I made an official complaint against Celia because ill treating a person with depression can push them to just this type of end. 

Pat Davies